Maybe it’s the mid-afternoon sugar craving, but I was just thinking about how cookies seem to be the way to a man’s heart. (Cookies! Again! Didn’t you just drop cookies into your last post?)

Yes, yes, I did. And I do it again shamelessly. There something seductive, simple and wholesome about whipping up a batch of cookies for your man.

We’ve already established that vanilla sets off little amorous triggers in the brain (essential for excellent chocolate chip cookies), but the entire act of baking sets something off, too.

Picture this: You’re in your kitchen, wearing an apron (Trigger One: Sexy Housewife fantasy), folding the eggs into your batter (Trigger Two: “She cares about me; she’s cooking.”) and chatting with your man (Trigger Three: You’re having an intimate moment).

Like the Betty Crocker/Nigella Lawson/Padma Lakshmi domestic goddess you are, the oven is heating, and you have deftly created your dough, complete with sweet morsels of delight.

Now, ask your man to help you spoon the cookies on the baking tray. (Trigger Four: “She needs me.”) Doing this together, he becomes part of the process, now they are “our” cookies, not just your cookies. You both are adding that bit of secret ingredient love.

In 8-10 minutes, they’re done. Bust out your spatula, put the delicious things on a cooling rack, pour some milk and feed your man a bit of the good stuff. He’ll be happy as a lark.

I don’t know how this little intimate endeavor works for raw foodists or people without a sweet tooth, but cookies always seem to hit the sweet spot for warm-blooded boys.

It’s undeniable that certain smells drive a man crazy. (Remember when Cher, the Beverly Hills superteen from Amy Heckerling’s Clueless, was planning an ill-fated seduction and popped a roll of cookie dough in the oven because that smell supposedly would send the message of love to her beau?) It’s no surprise that smells can be such aphrodisiacs. (C’mon, you totally smell the pillow he slept on last night when you miss him a little.) It’s our oldest sense and linked so very strongly to memory. Here’s how to make a lasting impression.What:

Perfumes smell different on everyone, reacting with your personal body chemistry and the environment around you. So, choose carefully.

Smells that tap into the amorous corners of his mind are vanilla, musk, ylang ylang, jasmine and white flowers…notes often found in oriental scents.

Chypre scents (characteristically flowery, woody and mossy), though, are the winners among men. Such perfumes include notes of sandalwood and amber.

If you like a simple scent, try essential oils in your favorite note.

Try: Agent Provacateur, Opium, Tocca’s line of perfume, Lalique de Lalique, Kenzo Flower.

Apply your scent

Where:

Apply your perfume to the backs of your knees and your pulse points. (Wrists, between your breasts, your throat, the crooks of your elbows and behind your ears.)

Don’t spray a dab on clothing. Not only can it stain, but if your clothes aren’t super clean, you could end up with a flagrance, not your sweet fragrance.

How:

If your skin is clean and moisturized, the fragrance will stay truer longer.

Supercharge your scent by first applying petroleum jelly to your pulse points, very lightly. This will keep the scent from soaking into your skin.

Also, only if your hair is clean should you spray perfume in your hair.

Perfumes are delicate. Rubbing your wrists together breaks down the scent. Don’t rub.

Have you ever liked a guy, done the deed and then realized he’s “just not that into you?” The culprit could be your behavior in bed. If you recognize yourself in one of the types below, it’s time to go through some sexual behavior modification!

1. The Dead Fish: The woman who lies on the bed like a dead fish, expecting her guy to do all the work.
2. The Mute: The woman who holds back and doesn’t let her emotions or pleasure show.
3. The Yawner: The woman who announces her disappoint or dissatisfaction with a yawn or some other reference to boredom.
4. The Faker: The woman who fakes an orgasm in order to close the show. Note: The fake orgasm is a usual suspect on “His Biggest Sexual Fear” list.
5. The Clinger: The woman who appears too clingy or needs too much cuddling afterward.
6. The Prude: The woman who has no sense of sexual adventure. Men need variety in their sex life and like to try new things.
7. The Party Pooper: The woman who routinely stops short of the happy ending.
8. The Big Talker: The woman who lets on that she might be a humdinger in bed, but fails to walk the walk after talking the talk.
9. The Egocentric: The woman who fails to pay any attention to her man’s pleasure.
10. The Deal Breaker: The woman who routinely comes up with excuses not to have sex, or changes her mind at inopportune moments.

Have you ever read the Fear of Flying by Erica Jong? Maybe your mother had it on her bedside table, maybe you picked it up after some gender and sexuality class in college, wondering what all the fuss was about. Even though the it’s set around the 1950s, the story about a married woman questioning traditional married life and figuring out what it means to be a woman and to be herself never stops being meaningful. The problem with Isadora, the main character in the book, is that she wasn’t actively choosing how she wanted to live her life. She wanted a kind of monogamy, but not the kind she felt was expected of her.

Ok, while on vaca with hubbie, you may not want to run off with a strange man for a lusty tour around Europe like Izzie. And her question, “Why monogamy?” is striking, but it’s not the real question.

“Why” is pretty obvious. For the majority of people the notion that you and your husband’s body is sacred and only for each other is a potent aphrodisiac. It also means you are safe-guarding the fortress of your love from unwanted things like…secret lives, secret families, and, well, secrets in general. Of course, some couples (happy couples) negotiate an emotionally monogamous but multi-partner lifestyles. However, the functioning, happy ones can be few and far between. Why else monogamy? There’s a very practical health reason. For all of us who matured during the AIDS crisis, the scare of STDs is enough to drive you past monogamy and straight to celibacy (on some days). Why else? There are few better ways to show your commitment than respecting the boundaries of your relationship.

“How Monogamy?” is a trickier beast. Of about 5,000 mammalian species we are among the 5% or less who mate for life. No wonder monogamy is a hard question! We have so few examples to follow. In the non-human world, social monogamy just means we get together to make babies and raise them, but can still fling on the side. (Probably what Isadora was after.) In the human world, I’m not sure this flies with most people…you’re getting into that treacherous “keeping secrets” ground (unless you come to some sort of specific agreement with your partner). To avoid pitfalls of desire in coupledom, here are a few tips:

1. Think about the function of monogamy before you jump into it. Does monogamy align with your goals and intentions in the relationship? “Monogamy is invented for order and investment - but not necessarily because it’s ‘natural,’” said Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle, to IndyMoms.com.

2. Define the boundaries of your relationship. If you and your partner figure out what fidelity and monogamy mean to each of you, then the boundaries become clear and will let you know how to govern your actions.

3. That barista giving you a side of naughty thoughts with your morning latte? First off, don’t freak out. Fantasy is a natural part of being an imaginative human being. Enjoy it. But ask yourself where the pleasure in the fantasy comes from. Are you missing something at home? Does he remind you of an ex-love, and the fantasy is simple nostalgia? Or is there something about the scenario (”Anything else I can do for you, ma’am?”) that turns you on? In this last case, think of your fantasy life as research and bring your findings home to your man.

4. Check in with each other. A relationship evolves and grows as you and your partner grow as people. Keep each other up to date on your ideas about life and the way you desire to live it. It’s unlikely either of you will wake up desiring to enter into an entirely new kind of relationship, but the maintenance of your friendship will keep you two close and intimate.

5. Choose to act in a way that honors your relationship and respects your partner. A simple “Do unto other” statement that can work miracles.

In the end, if you stay aware of what you want and who you are, carefully constructing the boundaries of your relationship in relation to your intentions and expectations, your ability to live in a way that brings you joy and act in a way that shows respect for your relationship will be much greater. And just think of how good it feels to know you both are on the same page of a book of endless growth and possibility!

What: Scandinavian rom com for grown-ups. Seriously. It includes real sex!

Why:Us girls need some peeps in our corner when it comes to the movies that make bedtime with boyfriend a little spicier!

“It’s a Danish film shot entirely in English and features both adult and mainstream stars performing sex on camera for the first time. And it’s all performed within the context of a very female-empowering story.” (PR person Daniel Metcalf told AVN.com)

Plot: “Anna is a modern, independent single girl, focused on her job and wary of getting caught in romantic relationships. Her life is all about fun. Strangers without strings. No commitment, no casualties. She has just found a new apartment, and is tempted to let her latest boyfriend, Frank, move in with her. Instead, she finds a tenant: The flamboyant, fun-loving Camilla, who shares Anna’s views on love and commitment. But then an old boyfriend happens to knock on her door: Johan, the very man who five years previously broke Anna’s heart. Anna is tempted. It’s not good. More than ever, she needs to get back on the merry-go-round and move on. Fortunately, she receives an offer to design costumes for a theatre in Paris. As far away from romantic temptation as possible — right?” Written by Nicolas Barbano

Who: Co-produced by Zentropa Films, the company behind Lars Von Trier’s Dancer in the Dark (the tragic musical with Bjork) and Innocent Pictures, All About Anna is made by women for women. Feminist French adult star Ovidie is featured, as is a Danish pop star Gry Bay (above). Totally Couples Friendly!

“Oh! That tickles,” my sister screeches as she holds a little, buzzing vibrator up to the tip of her nose. This sunny Saturday, we had set out to find out how to buy a vibrator. I prefer glass, by sis is a fan of vibration, so I thought she’d be the perfect partner in crime. The shop assistant was happy to help and gave us this tip: Hold the vibe to the end of your nose. Apparently, the sensitivity there mirrors the sensitivity down there, so you’ll find out quickly if the buzz will make you giggle, numb, or feel just right.

So like the Goldilocks on a mission in the bear’s house, we ran around the store busy as bees, and creating a mad humming chorus. It’s true, you find out pretty quick how the toy will effect you. Some buzz up into your brain, it feels, others induce a little sneeze. This is the one that my nose liked the best (above), a creature featured in Sex and the City. Remember the toy Sam used to calm a fussy Baby Brady when she (gasp!) babysat for Miranda?

1. “Wind Beneath My Wings” by Bette Midler
Playing this song will kill the mood instantly and probably remind him of his mother. Any song with the chorus “Did you ever know that you’re my hero?” is a deal-breaker.

2. “All My Life” by K-Ci & JoJo
The first words of this song are “I will never find another lover sweeter than you.” Enough said!

3. “A Moment Like This” by Kelly Clarkson
Do you really want a guy to think you been waiting a lifetime for this moment with him?

4. “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow” by The Shirelles
This should probably never be played during the dating phase. The reason is best summarized by this gem: “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.”

5. “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” by The Beach Boys
Never instigate the “where-is-this-going” conversation via song.

6. “Ready or Not” by The Fugees
“Ready or not, here I come, you can’t hide. I’m gonna find you and make you want me.” Do not try to force a guy to want you; trust me it does not work.

7. “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood
All guys expect a girl to go psycho if they cheat; they don’t need the warning played before sex as a reminder.

8. “So Excited” by Janet Jackson
Calm down, eager beaver. He can tell you’re excited to sleep with him, he doesn’t need Janet to tell him too.

9. “Suddenly I See” by KT Tunstall
This is way to pop-y and happy for sex.

10. “Welcome to Paradise” by Green Day
Though this song is less angst-y than others, it’s a bit presumptuous to refer to his having sex with you as a privilege of paradise.

According to multiple studies, orgasms have been proven to relieve and/or cure headaches and migraines.

A 1988 study conducted at the Oklahoma Health Sciences Center by James Couch, Professor of Neurology, concluded 61% of participating women reported pain relief after orgasm. Couch says the drugs most commonly prescribed to relieve headaches and migraines, called triptans, relieve symptoms in 60-80% of patients. Orgasms and prescription drugs have shockingly similar success rates.

So, how does an orgasm provide the same relief as prescription pain killers? Blood flow is redirected during orgasm, and pain-relieving hormones and endorphins are released. The next time you find yourself with a pounding headache, grab your man/woman/vibrator!

Music makes us horny. Whether serving as a segue or setting the rhythm for sex itself, songs heighten every aspect of lovemaking. So what’s your soundtrack? Jane’s Addiction, loud, chased with some Dylan, not quite as loud? Or smooth Sade and Marvin Gaye?

Here are my top songs that turn it on:

“Wolf Like Me” by TV on the Radio

“Paralyzer” by Finger Eleven

“Generous Palmstroke” by Bjork

“Light my Fire” by the Doors

“Just Like Honey” by the Jesus and Mary Chain

“Shadow of a Doubt” by Sonic Youth

Tonight: make love to music. If you’ve been together for years, this is sure to bring back the memories (and intensity) of college sex. If you’re hitting the sheets with a new partner, a well-timed playlist can set the mood (admit it — you appreciate good timing!) and smooth out any awkward post-coital silences.

What are your top tunes for lovin’?

Position:
Woman-on-top

What it means: He is playful and attentive. The position shows that he is eager to please, as this position best allows a woman to orgasm.