What’s the best way to find “the one” for you? How about focusing on being “the one” for someone else? We talked with Roy Sheppard, author of How to Be the One, about techniques to strengthen our emotional core, avoiding the biggest dating mistake women make, and how love is like a casserole (really!):
Part one of a two-part series.
1. Your book is all about how to prepare yourself for being “the one” by strengthening your emotional core through four “pillars.” What does that mean?
If you do yoga, pilates, or any sport, maintaining physical fitness is essential. Wouldn’t it be great if we had an emotional equivalent to that? When self-esteem, attitude, happiness, and kindness/compassion are all developed together, you become a stronger person emotionally.
2. What do you think is the single most important tactic for women to boost their self-esteem and prepare themselves for a healthy relationship?
Understand the state of your self-esteem right now. Most people don’t even know when they’ve got poor self-esteem, and when they’re confronted with it for the first time, it’s a shock. Most guys aren’t attracted to needy women, and a woman with low self-esteem is more likely to be a needy person. Or he’ll treat her like dirt. If you’re looking to be “the one” for someone else, I genuinely believe that you deserve to be the one for yourself first. Improving how you feel about yourself applies equally to men as well.
3. What’s the biggest mistake women make when they’re single and trying to find a partner?
The biggest problem that men and women have is they create this fantasy figure of their perfect partner. Real people can never satisfy that fantasy figure. Don’t lock yourself into an idea that a guy has to be a certain type of person for you to have a successful long-term relationship with him.
The last quality in the emotional core is kindness/compassion. It’s very unfashionable to be kind, whereas that’s the one thing that men and women want. Focus on being a kind and compassionate person, and you’re likely to be in a relationship that’s equally kind…. Are you making friends or are you interviewing people for a job? If you’re genuinely making friends with people, why don’t you just try being friendly? Have no agenda, just be friendly, and see what happens. If you start to have a meaningful conversation, and they glaze over, you can be pretty certain that he’s not interested in a meaningful relationship.
Visit Sexcerpts tomorrow for part two of the interview!
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All good advice. I’m reallllly curious about this casserole thing, so I’ll be tuning in tomorrow.