Part two of a two-part series. Read the first part here.
What’s the best way to find “the one” for you? How about focusing on being “the one” for someone else? We talked with Roy Sheppard, author of How to Be the One, about techniques to strengthen our emotional core, avoiding the biggest dating mistake women make, and how love is like a casserole (really!):
4. How can women in a relationship and make it as healthy as possible?
When relationships go “wrong,” it’s a natural part of a relationship. It’s not all roses all the time. It’s specifically about how you handle conflict. If you’re in a relationship with someone who has a weak emotional core, one or both parties want to win the conflict, and when that happens, you both lose. I have a joke that goes, I believe in “threesomes” in relationships. There’s the you, the me, and the relationship as a third party. If you’re committed to the relationship, you work on the relationship by not trying to win, but finding a solution.
5. This blog is called Sexcerpts, so I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask about sex: How can women improve their sex lives?
You can be far more intimate by not having rampant, red-hot sex. If you are sexually active and you’ve had a number of different partners, sex loses its specialness. It’s not a competition; it’s more than just how hot that person makes you feel. I think society in the West is obsessed: We want spicy food, and we want that straight away. In our relationships, if we’re not really attracted to another person, there’s a sense that it isn’t right. Relationships are more like a boring casserole — they tend to rise over lower heat at a much slower pace. You can feel so much more intimate about someone by holding their hand or being in the same room. If all you’ve done in the past is equate intimacy with sexual gymnastics, I think you’re making a huge mistake.
The simplest way to become more intimate is just to listen. You listen to your partner, you encourage them to talk, and you don’t argue. Give him your undivided attention, and don’t figure out what you’re going to say next.
6. Is there one point that you hope every woman takes away from the book?
Focus on being the one for that one special person. If you have qualities that you insist on in other people, how sure are you that you possess those same qualities for yourself?
You have an equal part in a meaningful relationship. It’s not the role of the guy to complete you or to fulfill you. It’s also your job to do the same.
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