Drop everything. We have to gauge what you think about terrifying British chef Gordon Ramsay, because we’re (sexually) confused. Hotel Hell is Ramsay’s new Fox show, which is kind of like Hell’s Kitchen meets Kitchen Nightmares meets Restaurant Impossible, except set in the craaaazy world of hoteling. Based on the episode we saw yesterday, we think we’re supposed to think Ramsay is sex-ay. Is it weird to think he’s desirable? Or weird to think that he’s not? Let’s analyze:
1. Gordon Ramsay allowed himself to be filmed bare naked, climbing into a warm bubble bath.
What? Yeah, that would be Gordon Ramsay’s nekkid body testing out the tiny tub at the Juniper Hill Inn in Windsor, Vermont. Ramsay is 45. Not exactly ancient, not even old. He looks pretty good. We mean, we wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating…well, maybe not crackers, but gourmet crisps? Madelines? For comparison, though, Daniel Craig is 44, and we’d happily melt a pat of butter on his abs any day.
But perhaps it’s not fair to compare a man who works around food for a living to James Bond.
2. Gordon Ramsay doesn’t need no stinkin’ jacket.
There’s snow on the ground when Ramsay comes blazing through the Juniper Hill Inn. Before the big, post-makeover reveal, the hotel staff is standing outside in multiple layers, blowing clouds of ice vapor into the air and obviously counting down the minutes until they could go inside again, but Ramsay was wearing this: Jeans. An undershirt. And a paper-thin baby-blue sweater. As we looked at him in that skimpy outfit, we thought to ourselves, “Is the man insane? He’ll catch his death in that getup! Wait, but his stomach does look pretty flat…and those jeans are tight… Really… Tight… Wow… Hi… Hello…”
Whether he was trying to pull a William Henry Harrison and look manly or just wanted to show of his (admittedly nice) sweater, we’ll never know. But we kinda liked it.
3. Gordon Ramsay really likes double entendres.
Shortly after the everyone-freezing-to-death-outside shot, Ramsay took everyone upstairs to see one of the guest rooms. Before doing so, he said something like, “Would you like to see my bedroom?” Um, we had sort of never thought about that before…? But now that we have, we’re not exactly opposed to the idea of checking out Ramsay’s boudoir, maybe after a glass of cognac in front of a fireplace in a British fox-hunting lodge. But then we said to ourselves, “Selves, Gordon Ramsay is kind of a scary man who belittles other for a living. Perhaps sexing him would not be the most prudent idea.”
So what do you think? Are you hot for (mean) teacher? Do you get butterflies when Ramsay barks orders at wannabe chefs? Do you fantasize about dominating him for once (or having him order you around à la Christian Grey)? Do you just wanna make him laugh for once? Or are we out of our minds for even suggesting that this enfant terrible has a sexy side?
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