So, big premiere on Saturday. Huge. Lights, cameras, and all the adult action one could ask for. Well, though I didn’t make it to the premier at the Orpheum in Downtown LA, I did see Pirates 2 and it is worth the wait and all the hype. Girls, buy this one. If there’s one adult movie you want to watch, this is it. Keep it. Love it. Order Pirates 2 here.

Here’s what AVN.com had to say:

“We pick up the story with pirate hunters Edward (Evan Stone) and Jules (Jesse Jane), who having routed the sadistic Stagnetti seek a pardon for ex-pirate Serena (Janine in the original), along with her sister Olivia (Belladonna). They run afoul of evil pirate empress Xi-Feng (Katsuni) who kidnaps Jules and bewitches her with a magic potion. There is much mayhem: fights with monsters, a giant sea squid, swordplay with skeletons, duels to the death. This is a post-modern adventure, loaded with irony, and much of it is very funny.

None of it would work without the performance of Evan Stone, as the vain, bumbling yet ultimately heroic Edward. He has star presence, the timing of a first-class comedian, and he inhabits the character completely. It’s hard to think of a mainstream actor who could have done it better. His co-stars more than hold their own. Jesse Jane looks beyond gorgeous and deftly transitions from perky first mate to zombie-like spell victim. Belladonna magnetizes as the pirate heroine, wholly believable as the movie’s pillar of strength, fighting and fucking like one possessed. Tommy Gunn and the astonishing Katsuni are larger-than-life embodiments of the two arch-villains.

“

Porn star and entrepreneur Belladonna (a Mormon who…found a different way) was in Australia no so long ago for an adult entertainment convention, which kicked off the day after the Pope was in town. With regards to the scandals the Catholic church has been privy to, she offered this compelling and controversial perspective on sex education for the clergy:“The Pope has indicated he might apologize to victims of sexual abuse and that is a positive thing to do,” Belladonna told the media, “but unless he follows up with some practical advice that addresses the sexual needs and desires of clergy, the problem will simply continue. Church clergy are at a crisis because they get no real street-level sex education but are expected to ply the streets to deliver their spiritual message.”

Any thoughts ladies?

Kiki de Montparnasse. No, not the high-end boutique that you’d spend your mortgage on for a set of lingerie. The muse, model, and extraordinary independent woman/muse who set Paris in fire in the 1920s. She is known for being an art model, but also a singer and cabaret performer. Now, what can we learn from her in terms of seduction? How can we channel that little something that drives men…well, in her case, to paint?

1. She was a Queen. As Hemmingway wrote, she was “about as close as people get nowadays to being a Queen but that, of course, is very different from being a lady.” She was boldly herself and regal. It drove them wild.

2. She was ribald. Her 3-page obituary ended, “We laughed, my God how we laughed.”

3. She was bawdy and confident in her body and sexuality. She sang, she danced, she modeled for artists. She let go.

4. She delighted in adornment. From darkening her eyebrows with the char of matchsticks to rouging her lips, she knew how to put herself together for maximum impact.

5. She knew how to enjoy life in the worst of times, like when she worked as a dishwasher: “I was so filled with gaiety that I wasn’t affected by my poverty and words like the blues were like Hebrew to me — I simply didn’t understand them.”

Live and learn from an enduring icon.  (But maybe take care of yourself so poverty doesn’t enter the equation.)

Well, even if the documentary says Brits suck in bed, Dita von Teese, recently voted hottest garter and stocking wearer, loves the kinky limeys.She said: “The British are really quite kinky. I love being in London because it has a great heritage of burlesque. One of the great pioneers at the turn of the last century was a group called Lydia Thompson and Her British Blondes.

“They were the first girls to wear fishnet tights and lift their skirts and, by all accounts, they were very sexy in their G-strings.”
But she likes the simple pleasures in bed:

“I like vanilla sex as much as the next girl. Sometimes when I date men, they feel they have to put on a show. I’m like, ‘Stop trying so hard to impress me with your sexual perversions.’

“Sometimes I do like bondage and spanking, and, I think a lot of people, if they were honest, would say, ‘Yeah, that sounds fun.’ “

At 18, Sasha Grey made a name for herself for her willingness to engage in wild, rough sex. A young, edgy, shocking porn star. Well, of late, the Godard-loving, Osho-reading 20-year-old girl has been taking the art and music world by storm. I can’t help but wonder, is Sasha Grey a new kind of sexual revolution, where xxx doesn’t mean Scarlet Lettering one’s self into a “seedy” business? Read all about her here.

I now feel rather seduced myself. And that is a feat after a long week in the office…even when seduction is the name of the game. I might even be developed an itch to watch the European Cup. (Maybe my man has a cream for that.) Oh, Posh, you lucky girl. (By the way, this is from David Beckham’s new Emporio Armani campaign.)

Immodesty Blaize certainly knows a thing or two about seduction and tease. The burlesque performer is up there with Dita von Teese on her side of the pond, guesting on popular TV shows like “Faking It” and “Britain’s Next Top Model.” She’s also teamed up with lingerie label Madame V to create the Showtime Collection.  I found this interview on Knickers, a lingerie blog, and thought that the performer had a few good explanations about the appeal of burlesque in our day. I mean, who can resist the aesthetics and ideals of something that oft gets described with words like “coquette,” “tease” and “opulence”?

From the Knickers interview:

You create your own performances, and work with a great deal of women to bring burlesque to the stage and screen – is this “new” burlesque an example of women reclaiming their own sexuality?

Not really, I think women have been reclaiming their sexuality for quite some time before the burlesque revival! I think my performances have an undeniable erotic content, but they are also pieces of very elaborate theatre, and they are conceived with as much detail of theme, costume, prop, music and set, as one would a theatricalpresentation. So for me there’s a lot involved. I think in this way, women are attracted to the glamour and opulence as well as the erotic content. I think they like the humour too, it’s cheeky, it’s teasing, it’s clever. I wonder if somehow it feels accessible to more women therefore, than with other forms of erotic entertainment.

For the uninitiated, can you describe burlesque for our readers, and tell us about how you came to be a burlesque performer?

Burlesque means literally ‘to parody’. Simply put, it is a form of ironic cabaret, which is to say it is very tongue in cheek. It is also
a genre known for having a strong erotic undertow. It started in London in the 1860s, but it was the Minsky Brothers in ‘30s New York who truly put the glamorous striptease in burlesque, which gave rise to legends such as Gypsy Rose Lee, Lili St.Cyr, and Dixie Evans who is still going strong today.

For me, becoming a burlesque showgirl was a natural progression. As well as being reared on old Busby Berkley musicals and camp old Hollywood classics, as a teenager I became a huge fan of pin-up queen Betty Page and through her I discovered the legendary burlesque star Tempest Storm. I, myself had blossomed into a classic hourglass shape which I have to say was not popular at the time – it was all super-waifs and heroin chic…so images of women like Tempest Storm with their beautiful powerful womanliness really spoke to me and I knew I wanted to make the most of my curves in the same way!

We love the burlesque style because it looks amazing on women of so many sizes – do you think part of burlesque’s popularity is because of this celebration of a woman’s curves?

Partly, yes, although I’d say there’s no right or wrong body shape for burlesque. Certainly the classic old bombshell look of Mae West and Marilyn Monroe was full of curves, and then the legendary performer Lili St.Cyr was tall and lithe with legs up to her armpits! So I think really it promotes the idea of character and individuality. It encourages women to find their own alter-ego! In addition, I think we are at a point where people are getting bored of grungy reality shows, and they want live entertainment; theatre, fantasy, and proper old music again. I also think women and men alike are loving the chance to take time to dress up. Certainly I’ve noticed more women enhancing their silhouettes by wearing foundation-wear again, so suspender belts, girdles, basques, retro-shaped bullet bras are around…great!

What essentials would you recommend for a woman who wants to try out the burlesque look herself?

I don’t think there is one ‘burlesque look’, since burlesque is a form of entertainment rather than a fashion style. It spans 150 years,
so it has lived through fashions as diverse as the corseted Victorian, the fringed flapper, and the 50s pinup. However I would always
recommend that the ladies experience the joys of a good pair of nipple tassels!

We all know who she is, but what makes Liz such a sexy icon? (We’re keeping it to the early because no one know what was going on with her in the 1980s…)

Those eyebrows: Perfect gullwings (totally accentuated here in ’60s sex kitten style) frame those sapphire baby blues. Hey, you know what they say about a good frame…makes a masterpiece even better.

That hair: Lush, leonine, here teased like Brigitte Bardot…keep it clean and full of volume, with a low-fuss elegance. Nothing says sex goddess like a delicious mane.

Those lips: Here, they’re a nude matte. Her pronounced cupid’s bow and full  lower lip give her a simultaneously severe and sexy look. Play up your cupid’s bow with a little liner and dot a bit of gloss in the center of your lower lip to accentuate the pout.

That vulnerability: Married, unmarried, rehab. She goes through men like Carrie through a Manolo candy shop…when you watch Liz act, she is at once strong and vulnerable (Butterfield 8 anyone?), fiery and romantic. Open up and share your weaknesses, but be self-sufficient. You can never quite put your finger on her, but wow, what a presence. Being elusive, literally and figuratively, does wonders to fire lust.

That shape: Only today do we look at Angie and Nicole and Paris and think “normal.” Liz was never a skinnie minnie. Here another Butterfield ref, but THAT SLIP she wears in the opening scene is almost painted on her curvy, womanly, beautiful body. Work your curves, ladies. But remember, they key to working your sexy shape is great lingerie and clothes that are cut to suit your shape. If you’re curvy, you’re probably not going to do well taking style cues from the Olsen twins. Keep your eyes on the classics.

America’s favorite sex columnist is not me. Nope. Sorry. But Dan Savage. (What a hunk, huh?) Now here’s a guy with a wide, open mind and sexually sane way of thinking who fields difficult questions from how to deal with fetishes to sex and disability. Informed, intelligent and up-to-the-minute, this may even be a great resource for moms who have more…intricate questions about that birds and bees talk that’s waiting to happen. Enjoy exploring! Don’t forget to check out his books…this one might float your boat:

How can we talk Helen without Hugh? Looking at these two powerful people in the business of selling titillation and sexy, one thing seems to hold true. A great sense of style, a strong mind, a liberal idea of freedom, and true conviction. It’s not just “sexy summer make up,” but, darlings, it seems to be that Darwinian way of the world. It’s the survival of the fittest out there. What does fittest mean to you?

Meanwhile, here’s a great profile on Hef from Salon.com. Sexy is also informed. So know your cultural icons, ladies. In the words of a great pessimist, when your looks fade, at least you’ll have your scintillating faculties of conversation, rabid intelligence and biting wit…an aphrodisiac at any age, with any body type.