This is the age old question when it comes to romance, and it always will be. Should you follow your heart or listen to your thoughts? Whether your deciding on dating someone or your on the verge of a break up, this can be one of the toughest decisions you make. Is your “duty to your heart” as Mulan once said? Or, will you receive more peace of mind by weighing the pros and cons? But really, can you make a decision without the other?

You need to consider both in order to make decisions. That being said, I am a hopeless romantic. My advice on this one is… Follow your heart…Sometimes more than the mind can rationalize, the heart simply knows best. I say you find true happiness when you follow your heart, and if you do here are some tips for building a successful relationship.

How do you deal with your feelings about your partner’s previous romantic relationships, especially when they remain friends? Are you feeling super-irked whenever your boyfriend mentions a friend that he once used to date? And even though you have met his ex, who is in a seemingly happy relationship, you still can’t help feeling a little jealous and insecure whenever they talk? Once feelings of insecurity and jealousy surface, it’s a short jump to negative and self destructive behavior. These emotions can cause major stress to your otherwise healthy relationship. Here’s some advice on how to snap out of it.

1. Talk to your man. Let him know the emotions you feel when this person(s) comes up. He should be saying all the things to reassure you that there is no need to worry.

2. Let go and trust him. Realize you can’t control him.

3. More importantly, realize that it doesn’t matter who your partner dated. Without these previous experiences, he would not be the man you love today. All of our previous relationships color who we are in our current relationships.

4. Love them for who they are, not who you want them to be. You’ll be stronger as a couple and have fewer wrinkles.

Read this for some more general tips on how to be stress free!

So you and your boyfriend just broke up, your probably in a great deal of heart ache and pain. I understand. I have been there too. I am not going to go on about the pain you feel, because I know that you already know it all too well…but there is hope. Trying to get your ex back is not as impossible it may sometimes seem. However, when charting your course of action to win him back, you must also consider the dont’s so you stand a chance. Sometimes when two people part it makes them stronger. If he’s the one that ended the relationship, here are 5 dont’s to keep in mind when you’re trying to win him back:

1) Calling your ex several times a day

You’re only going to drive them further away. They need space. You will benefit from a little space too.

2) Text messaging and emailing constantly (Text Message Terrorism)

 Again, avoid contact. At least for a few days. Giving him space allows him to miss you too. He will then start to wonder, “Hey, why isn’t she calling?”

3) Constantly checking your email and voice mail to see if he called.

This will only depress you more. Of course you’re going to check. But you must set some rules for yourself. Like, “I’ll only check once a day” versus constantly checking and then not going out because you’re afraid you’re going to miss a call or email.

4) Feeling urges to spy on them

If he finds out, this will virtually guarantee the relationship is over - Be warned!

5) Endlessly rehearsing what you should have said or what you will say if you bump into them

Honestly, we all do this - But it’s not good for your self-esteem. It will only keep you thinking non-stop about the failures of the relationship. It will drive you crazy!

*Bonus tip - NO binge eating for comfort (Trust me, that comfort will only go so far, like your waistline!

Here are some useful and easy to follow tips on how to clean your sex toys that I have found. Horray for blogger’s em & lo at “Daily Bedpost.” Here’s what’s written on this blog and a link to the rest of the article:“1. First, try to buy toys that come with specific cleaning instructions — if it doesn’t (and no “novelties” do), be sure to ask or email a nice sex-toy salesperson for advice. But keep in mind that cheap novelties are often so poorly designed that they can’t be cleaned properly. For instance, if a toy has seams but can’t be taken apart without it breaking, it’ll never get really clean; those nooks and crannies can harbor bacteria that’s harmful to sensitive vaginal and anal canals.

2. Wash a toy before its first use, immediately after every use (as opposed to just waiting to clean it before the next time), and immediately before each use, too, if you’re not storing it correctly (i.e., if it’s gathering dust bunnies under your bed).”Read the rest.

AdamEve.com has come out with a toy cleaner that works with any adult toy regardless of material! Check it out here. Also, here’s a great intro to the wild and wonderful world of sex toys.

In “Relationship Sabotage, The walls that get in our way, and how to break them down…” Advice.Love Detour.com gives us a very good breakdown of what the challenges are when facing this kind of counterproductive behavior in a relationship. LA Love Coach writes, “It’s all about self worth and why “this great catch” would want this “imperfect human being”. Not only is this self-sabotaging behavior destructive to the relationship, it’s hurtful to both parties and gets in the way of allowing the relationship to flourish”. I have personally been in a situation like this where the person I was dating kept sabotaging the relationship because they’re self esteem was very low. This behavior can sometimes be an obstacle you don’t get over. Read the rest of the article to get more information on how to better deal in this type of situation.

Can cheating kill you? Researchers have found that not only can cheating damage your relationship (duh), but it can send your stress levels through the roof!

Catherine Northam, a counselor for Relate, outlined some of the main causes of stress and double dipping, shall we say.

“You want to be together with the person you’re having the affair with, but you have to go to great lengths to set up times for when you can be together,” she said. She added that the fear of discovery is also a stress trigger.

Her observations follow research by the Italian Society for the Study of Migraines which identified a higher instance of the potentially fatal headaches among those having an affair.

Ever wonder how that sweet man or woman could have ever said such hurtful things just a moment ago? One minute, you are whispering sweet words of affection, smiling, everything is wonderful - amazing even…. A few moments later, something is said or done and the next thing you know, you and your partner are screaming and berating each other, By the time either of you figure out that this wasn’t your intention - it’s too late.

“Many of us take a fight-or-flight approach to conflict, sometimes only to make our point stick. You and your future partner are on the same side of the same team, which is difficult to remember when you are in a heated argument” says Nancy Pina, author of How To Create Relationship Success.

You must approach sensitive issues with sensitivity. You must approach each other with love and never forget what’s important - You love each other.
Pina says, “Each has the responsibility to resolve issues around emotional buttons.”

Read the rest.

Ps. The faster you get past the conflict, the sooner you get to the hot make-up sex.

Here are 5 ways to keep a long distance relationship red hot. 

1. Pamper yourself. This is a great time to visit a toy store and pick up a few goddies you’ve always wanted to try out. Indulge your desire to experiment with solo sex…and let your man know what you’re up to. This may make from some…

2. Hot phone sex. The phone is perhaps one of the most erotic tools of the modern age. And it keeps getting better with photo and video capability. Provocative text messages, sweet, hot whispers down the line. Tell him your dirtiest fantasies about him and chat about what turns you both on. You may soon find yourself going hands-free. But if you’re feeling vintage try…

3. The old-fashioned love letter. If you’re not much of a writer, go to the great classics of erotica (A.N. Roquelare, aka Anne Rice, is great for modern, steamy prose whereas Lady Chatterley’s Lover or Story of O are well-suited if you want to trip back a few decades.) Otherwise, write down what you are too bashful to say. Part of the joy of letter writing is fine stationery and even a spritz of his favorite scent.

4. IOU… a sensual massage…kisses up and done your spine… Make getting back in the same city an arrival to remember. Email or send erotic IOUs to your honey that can be redeemed upon return to you warm embrace.

5. Why not make use of modern technology? Hook it up with a video cam on your computer…and let the good times roll…long distance…with your own live video chat.

Regina Nuzzo, in an article special to the Los Angeles Times, explores the mating game and gives a great scientific perspective on how, when there are so many choices in the world, we choose and stay, not stray, with one partner. Here’s the start of her article:

How our brains resist straying

Men and women react differently to temptation, research shows. Some of it is instinctual, but loyalty can also be a trained response.

In the pursuit of happily-ever-after, the odds seem to be stacked against us.

Men and women reap huge benefits when they stick around with a good partner – staying happier and healthier, living longer and passing along more genes. But the sticking-around part is a challenge. We don’t get long-term relationship payoffs right away. And until then – between the once-upon-a-time and the happily-ever-after – plenty of temptations can beckon.

Not that it’s wrong to shop around before settling down. But there always will be enticing alternative mates – whether heart-grabbing or merely eye-catching. So researchers wonder: With so many attractive alternatives, how do humans manage to maintain relationships at all?

The brain appears to have some tricks up its neural sleeve. A new line of research is exploring how automatic psychological mechanisms kick into action when the eye starts to wander, helping resist temptation and strengthening the relationship – even without us being aware of it. Read the rest.

So, you’re gearing up for barbecue, camping, family gatherings, pool parties and what not, but don’t forget fireworks of your own–especially if you’re not having a lover’s weekend. A skimpy Miss Liberty outfit might work great with the Washington crowd, but off Capitol Hill and in your inlaws’ backyard, you may want to try these tips for making your Fourth and your man pop with joy! You finally have a few days off, and you have to spend it with the family. His, yours…does it matter?  You’ll be surrounded by all the people in the world who you didn’t choose to be linked too.When is the baby coming? When are you getting engaged/hitched/a promotion? With questions like these pending, you might feel like blowing your top (and not in your personal version of Girls Gone Wild). So, make sure you and your man know each other’s buttons, triggers, and stress relievers.

Take a moment for each other, even in the chaos. Whisper naughty, sweet nothings.

Devise some sort of code phrase, sign or signal to help each other out of awkward or unpleasant conversations.

Talk about your favorite/least favorite parts of family gatherings. Help your partner avoid these situations by indulging what you love best about family fun.

Make time for each other. Everyone knows a weekend with the family can be exhausting, so turning in early isn’t unheard of. But don’t turn in…turn each other on! (One Lady Liberty outfit, check!) If you’re in cramped quarters, don’t be afraid of the great outdoors. This is, after all, the home of the free and land of the brave.