Get Over Him

 You will never find another one like him again, says the painful anguish after a break up. Even if you know he wasn’t the “One,” somehow, he becomes the “One” that you must have. Don’t worry, my darling, you’ll get over it eventually. Here are a few words of wisdom to help you get through a terrible break up.

1. One nail drives another nail out.  It’s a weird saying passed down through generations, but it’s true. Allowing yourself to fall in love again and be vulnerable makes you open to experiencing new and wonderful things.

2. You have the power to create the life you desire. This goes for love too. Do you have a list of qualities you desire in a man/partner? Do you stick to that list like glue? Visualize what you want in terms of qualities, ethics, interests, values, etc. and start your search from there. If he doesn’t pass the test, there’s at least 75,000 fish in the sea. (Especially you girls in big cities!! Plenty of men…)

3. Let go. If it ended, just like that crappy job that led to your new, better, more lucrative one, this change comes for a reason: it’s giving you the opportunity to recreate your reality.

4. HAVE BOUNDARIES. Double bold and italics. If it doesn’t feel right, move on. If he’s not meeting your standards of courtesy, romance, intelligence, empathy, stability, ambition, etc. , MOVE ON. Set your standards and stick to them.

5. You will feel sexy again. Nothing like a libido slump after you break up to make getting back on a pure-bred stallion again seem like an impossible dream. It’s that thing that makes you pile your hair up top in that tiger-print banana clip…eat a pint of Ben And Jerry’s, cry over Sixteen Candles. You know. The best thing, like with any loss is to acknowledge your grief. YOU ARE GRIEVING. It’s ok. Grief is like an illness. It has physical symptoms and can seriously impair and alter your regular functioning. Let yourself feel those feelings. Take time for yourself. If you’re on a junk binge or if you haven’t done laundry in weeks, don’t wallow. Take care of yourself. Book a mani-pedi, wear your best dress and watch-me-wiggle-pumps. Know that you embody the goddess and it is a privilege to be with you. Your inner strength and self-care will send all the right signals to the RIGHT MEN…you know, the one’s who respond well to women who value themselves.

6. Love is not torment. You know when things are working. You feel happy. You glow. You’re not afraid every time it takes him more than a few hours to return a call. And…he’s attentive. He calls. He’s romantic. Basically, because being together feels so good, you’re both making time and letting each other know that you value each other. Bad relationships give you anxiety, worry, fear, insecurity…alienate you like Albert Camus. Follow the good feelings.

7. Have a one night stand. I , personally, can’t have a one night stand. Genetically impossible. What I mean is go out and do something unusual for you. Test your boundaries. Flirt with someone unexpected. Assert yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Feel the fire, tiger lady. Let flames dance for all to see. They should be so lucky.

By the way, whoever his new girl is, she’s nothing compared to you.